JEFF PROBST: Previously, on Survivor 3.01: The Yukon: With the Tribe running low on food, Mickey and Torgo were given two caribou, and sent into the village to sell them. The proceeds from the sale were $20, which they spent on coffee and doughnuts. They then bartered some of the other Survivors’ personal effects, and received a pair of mukluks, some fishhooks, and seven kilograms of caribou meat.
[Rowsdower Camp]
TORGO: We’re back… AND… we’ve BROUGHT… food!
EULABELLE: And just in time. We was runnin’ out of nasty things to say about you two.
RUBY: Yay, food! What did you bring back?
MICKEY: Caribou meat! Seven kilos! Nearly fifteen pounds.
GEORGIA: See, I knew this would happen. I knew we’d end up with caribou meat. But only 15 pounds?
NEIL: Lemme get this straight. You traded two 500-pound caribou for 15 pounds of caribou meat?
TORGO: No, not at… ALL. We… SOLD the caribou… FOR $20.
MR. B NATURAL: Which you spent on the caribou meat?
MICKEY: No, we spent the money on coffee and doughnuts. Starbucks and Krispy Kremes. Delicious.
ROGER: Well, that’ll go good with the meat. OK, let’s have ‘em.
TORGO: We already… ATE… them.
MELISSA: … You WHAT?!
MICKEY: It seemed like a good idea, at the time. We made a judgement call.
ROGER: Well, yew made the wrong call, boy! Yew cain’t go making the decisions for the whole group, Ah tell yew what!
MICKEY: I thought that’s why we were there. No one else wanted to go. “We’ll stay here, Mickey,” you said, and…
MELISSA: … I should have gone. Anyone else should have gone. You guys are idiots.
TORGO: If it… MAKES… you FEEL… any better, I more like… RENTED… my doughnuts.
MICKEY: We also got some fishhooks, and a pair of mukluks.
GEORGIA: Mukluks?
TORGO: Mukluks. That’s… FUN… to say.
RUBY: Oh, hush, all of you. Let’s see that meat. Shut up, Neil.
NEIL: I didn’t say anything.
RUBY: Yeah, but I know what you were thinking.
ROGER: Oh, man! It’s like all organ meats and crap!
MR. B NATURAL: Oh, goody! I can play the organ!
NEIL: Well, here’s an interesting piece for you, B. Knock yourself out.
GEORGIA: Spleen… liver… kidneys… What’s this? Oh, yes. Caribou colon. Again.
EULABELLE: Oh, let’s just stop this fussin’, and put it all in the stew pot. It’ll make a fine gumbo. Eulabelle has an old family recipe; we used to feed this to the zombies!
MELISSA: … I didn’t know zombies ate, Eulabelle.
EULABELLE: Oh, sure they do, honey child! They love Eulabelle’s gumbo. Keeps ‘em zombified!
[The meat is placed in the stew pot, and simmered over a low fire for several hours. Along with some onions, green peppers, salt, and corn. Never mind where the rest of the ingredients came from. The gumbo is delicious, and the Tribe eats itself into a stupor. Everyone sleeps soundly. The next morning:]
NEIL: Man! Eulabelle wasn’t kidding about that gumbo! I slept like a log!
TORGO: I feel… GROGGY. More so than… USUAL.
GEORGIA: Yes, me too. Ummm… Ruby, what happened to your hair?
RUBY: What do you mean?
GEORGIA: It looks like you cut a lock of it off.
RUBY: I didn’t notice that before.
MR. B NATURAL: I’ve lost a button, off my blouse, I mean, shirt!
GEORGIA: And my sleeve has a hole in it, as if someone cut a patch out of it.
ROGER: Hey! Anybody seen mah feather?
MELISSA: … This is all very odd.
EULABELLE: No time to worry about that, now. We got tree mail!
[Tree Mail]
Immunity at stake once more.
A mental test is what’s in store.
What do we have in mind for you?
A little game of Hüsker Dü.
MICKEY: Oooh! More umlauts! First the “Über Spöon”, now this!
GEORGIA: We better get going.
MELISSA: … Yes… Let’s “Göethe” out of here.
MR. B NATURAL: Oh, that’s just awful, girlfriend.
[Immunity Challenge]
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, welcome! First, I’ll need to take back the Immunity Necklace. [Georgia hands it over.] Now, as the Tree Mail indicated, we’ve prepared a little memory contest similar to Hüsker Dü. The obscure board game, not the obscure 1980’s pop band. We’ve divided up this box into nine sections, as you can see, and each section contains an item. You have thirty seconds to memorize the position of each item. [After thirty seconds, Jeff covers the box.]
Now, run out into the tundra and bring back the object that was in the lower left-hand corner. Survivors, ready? GO!
[The visual nature of this Immunity Challenge makes it extremely difficult to describe in narrative form. So we won’t bother. Suffice it to say that all of the Survivors were still feeling groggy from Eulabelle’s gumbo, and had difficulty concentrating. Torgo was the least impaired, and after several rounds of the game, he won Immunity.]
JEFF PROBST: Congratulations, Torgo! Immunity is yours! I think we’d all agree, that was the most exciting Challenge to date! Well, I’ll see you all tonight at Tribal Council.
[Tribal Council]
JEFF PROBST: Welcome once again to Tribal Council. From this point on, no one leaves the Game entirely. The next seven people voted out of the Tribe will be on the Jury, to decide which of the final two wins the Grand Prize of one million dollars, and which one wins $100,000, and a big honking SUV. Are there any questions?
SURVIVORS: Zzzzzzzzzzz.
JEFF PROBST: Survivors, ready? VOTE!
[The Survivors are startled almost into wakefulness, and one by one, trudge up to cast their votes. Finally, the last vote is cast, and Torgo, as usual, brings the bowl of votes to Jeff.]
JEFF PROBST: Well, on a positive note, the voting process will get a little shorter each time now. Again, I need to remind you that once the votes are read, the decision of the Tribe is final, and the person getting the most votes will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll tally the votes.
First vote: Melissa.
Second vote: Melissa.
Third vote: Mickey.
Fourth vote: Mickey. Two votes for Mickey, two for Melissa.
The fifth vote: Mickey.
Sixth vote: Melissa. Three votes for each.
Seventh vote: Mickey. That’s four for Mickey.
NEIL: I thought you said this was going to go faster.
JEFF PROBST: No, I just said the voting would go faster. Not the tallying of the votes.
The eighth vote: Melissa. That’s four for Melissa; we’re tied.
The last vote: Melissa. Come up here, Melissa, and bring your torch.
[After a long pause, Melissa rises and brings her torch to Jeff.]
JEFF PROBST: The Tribe has spoken.
[He extinguishes the torch, and Melissa glares at him for a moment before walking away.]
JEFF PROBST: We now have the first member of the Jury. As for the rest of you, you can head back to camp. I’ll see you tomorrow.
[Confessional]
MELISSA: …
CAMERAMAN: Anytime, Melissa.
MELISSA: Well, I have mixed feelings about this. …On one hand, I’m sorry to be leaving the game. [Long pause] On the other hand… I’m proud of how long I lasted. I made it through the hard part… Snowball fights… eating disgusting things. … It’ll be good to at least be able to get to a phone… and talk to my parents… and… Stop rushing me; are you running out of tape or something? … As I was saying… it’ll be good talk to my family… and that doughy guy with the purple car… all the folks in town… and at the store… Oh, and I think I’ve missed the fish… most of all. … Well… I guess that’s… about… it.
Day 25-26
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